I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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