hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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