It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
