i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
