ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
