we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
whose parrot is this?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
