Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
