its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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