TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
