conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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