i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
