dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
