So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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