Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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