Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my vag is so smooth its legendary
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
