She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My pussy is not your playground.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
