I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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