Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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