I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
