just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
