i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
