What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
