Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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