i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
