And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
