people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
