Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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