You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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