Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
