sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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