I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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