i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
