I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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