Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
