you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
