I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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