Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
