So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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