whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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