hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
