did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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