If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
