i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
