My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize