At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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