dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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