Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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