my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
