Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
