Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
