They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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