SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
