I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
