she kept yelling 'call me bella'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
