I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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