Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
