that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
