ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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