Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
