bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
