Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize