Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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