Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
