i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
