So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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