You smell like a Billy Joel song
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
