She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
