this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
