Already got asked if we're dating
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
