He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
