its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
