shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
