yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
