hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
